Welcome :)


You are probably here because you know me — maybe as a friend, a family member, or even as one of my photography clients. If you’ve worked with me multiple times a year, or we’ve shared longer sessions together, you already know that I’m very open when it comes to talking about mental health, health in general, and parenting. I love being the kind of mom who can say something out loud that makes another person think, “Wow, so I’m not alone.”

Being an empath means it’s natural for me to feel what others are going through, often within minutes of being around them. Sometimes it’s when a client walks into the studio, other times it’s when I’m sitting with a friend — I can sense their struggle almost instantly. As much as I consider this a gift, I didn’t realize how draining it was until I fully understood what being an empath meant.


At the heart of it, I’m writing this because I want to help — even if it’s just one person. Growing up, I often felt like nobody really understood what was going on inside my head. Even as an adult, it took years to realize that everyone has a story, everyone is struggling with something. The truth is, we are never truly alone — but sometimes, it takes one person standing up and saying, “This is what I’m going through,” for someone else to finally whisper, “Me too.”


.... that being said welcome to my personal journal where I am going to be word vomiting a lot of information to try and help others out as well as a way for me to get stuff off of my chest at the same time.


So if you don't know me, Hi, I’m Kassandra, mom to two boys — one of whom has ADHD. My oldest, who’s about to turn 13, was diagnosed when he was just 5 years old. But honestly, I knew long before that. Even as a baby, I could see how his brain worked differently. His energy, his curiosity, the way he lit up when he was interested in something — and how quickly he lost focus when he wasn’t.


What I didn’t realize at the time was that this journey with him would also become a journey with myself. As I learned more about ADHD through his diagnosis, I started to see the exact same patterns in my own life.


Eventually, I received my own ADHD diagnosis, which explained so much about the struggles and strengths I had carried quietly for years.


That’s why I’m writing this blog (and eventually recording this podcast): to share our story, to break down some of the myths about ADHD, and to give both parents and adults a place to feel less alone. Before I get into our journey, I want to start with the basics — what ADHD really is, how it shows up, and why it often looks so different in boys and girls, women and men.

Attention-Defecit/Hyperactivity disorder

When people hear “ADHD,” they often picture a wiggly little boy bouncing off the walls, unable to sit still. That’s not the full story. ADHD — Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder — is much more complex, and it shows up differently in kids, teens, and adults, and even more so between boys and girls, women and men.


For me, ADHD has become part of both my parenting story and my personal story.


What is ADHD?

  • Definition: ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects the brain’s ability to regulate attention, impulses, and activity levels.
  • It’s not about being “lazy” or “undisciplined.” It’s about how the brain processes and regulates information.
  • ADHD brains often struggle with executive function — the set of skills that help us plan, focus, remember, and manage time.


ADD vs. ADHD

  • Years ago, people used the term ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) to describe people who had trouble focusing but weren’t “hyperactive.”
  • Now, everything falls under ADHD as the official diagnosis, but it’s divided into three types:
  1. Predominantly Inattentive Type (what people used to call “ADD”)
  2. Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Type
  3. Combined Type (a mix of both inattentive and hyperactive symptoms)

So if you still hear people say “ADD,” it’s not technically wrong — it’s just an older term.

I promise to get to how all this related to my own parenting journey, as well as how to ties in to my oldest child, I just want to get as much information out there as I can as a background so it can be a little more easily understood.

ADHD IN BOYS VS. GIRLS (SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN)


BOYS

When most people picture a child with ADHD, they imagine the little boy bouncing off the walls in class, blurting out answers, tapping his pencil nonstop, or forgetting to raise his hand. And honestly — that description isn’t wrong. Boys tend to show the external, high-energy signs of ADHD, which makes them easier to spot.

  • In boys, ADHD often looks loud and obvious. They may interrupt teachers, struggle to stay in their seats, talk nonstop, or act without thinking.
  • Because these behaviors disrupt the classroom, teachers usually notice quickly. That’s why boys are more likely to be referred for testing early — sometimes even in kindergarten or first grade.




GIRLS

But here’s the other side of the story — girls often fly under the radar.

  • In girls, ADHD often looks quiet and internal. Instead of bouncing off the walls, they might stare out the window, doodle in their notebook, or drift into daydreams. They may be labeled “shy,” “spacey,” or even “lazy,” when really their brain is just wired differently.
  • Many girls mask their struggles by working extra hard to fit in — becoming perfectionists, overachievers, or people-pleasers. On the outside, they look like they’re doing “fine.” On the inside, they’re exhausted from trying to keep up.
  • Because they aren’t disruptive, teachers may miss the signs. It’s not until grades drop, or until anxiety or depression starts to show up, that adults realize something deeper is going on.




The result? By middle school, boys with ADHD are often receiving support and interventions, while many girls are silently struggling, feeling like they’re “not good enough” when really, they just need to be understood.


One thing I want to pause on is the old saying “boys will be boys.” I can’t stand that phrase. It’s often used as an excuse when boys are hyper, impulsive, or acting out, as if their behavior is just a natural part of being male. But here’s the problem: brushing off real struggles with that outdated ideology prevents boys from getting the support they need. Hyperactivity or emotional outbursts aren’t just “bad behavior” or “normal boy energy” — they can be signs of ADHD or another underlying challenge. When we dismiss it with “boys will be boys,” we ignore the very real needs of these kids, and we send the message that they have to “tough it out” instead of learning tools and strategies to thrive. It’s archaic, and it does more harm than good.


And on the flip side, girls often get brushed off with phrases like “she’s just shy,” “she’s a daydreamer,” or “she’s too sensitive", "she's  a chatty Cathy". Instead of recognizing that a girl might be struggling to focus, organize, or manage her emotions, adults assume it’s just part of her personality. Those labels might sound harmless, but they carry weight. They teach girls to internalize their struggles and push harder to “keep up,” all while feeling like something is wrong with them. Just like “boys will be boys” is damaging for boys, these dismissive stereotypes for girls are equally harmful. Both minimize the very real ways ADHD shows up — and both delay kids from getting the understanding and help they deserve.




Men


Men are more likely to show the “classic” ADHD signs that people recognize from childhood.

  • Hyperactivity & impulsivity: Even in adulthood, some men still struggle with restlessness, needing constant activity, or speaking/acting before thinking.
  • Work challenges: They may have trouble with organization, meeting deadlines, or sticking with long, boring tasks at work.
  • Risk-taking behaviors: Impulsivity can show up as financial decisions, driving fast, or other thrill-seeking behaviors.
  • Social impact: Some men might come across as “scattered,” “unreliable,” or overly blunt in relationships because of impulsivity and distractibility.

Because these behaviors line up with the stereotype of ADHD, men are more likely to be diagnosed earlier and more accurately.

WOMEN


Women often present very differently, which is one reason they’re underdiagnosed.

  • Inattentiveness & overwhelm: Women may look “spacey,” forgetful, or constantly disorganized. They often juggle jobs, home, and parenting, and the cracks start to show in all that multitasking.
  • Emotional regulation: Many women with ADHD experience intense emotions, mood swings, or rejection sensitivity (feeling crushed by criticism or perceived rejection).
  • Masking & perfectionism: To hide their struggles, women often overcompensate — making endless lists, working late to catch up, or becoming people-pleasers. This is draining and can lead to burnout.
  • Anxiety & depression: Because ADHD in women is often overlooked, many are misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression first. Sometimes both conditions overlap, making it harder to untangle.
  • Hormonal influence: Symptoms often worsen with hormonal changes — during puberty, postpartum, and perimenopause — making life stages particularly overwhelming.


Why This Matters for My Story


Looking back, I can see how this difference played out in my own life. With my son, the signs were loud and clear — his energy, his distractibility, the way his brain worked differently from other kids his age. But as a girl, I was the daydreamer, the one who zoned out, talked too much, the one who worked twice as hard to keep up. Nobody called it ADHD back then.


It wasn’t until I walked through the diagnosis with my son that I finally recognized those same patterns in myself. What looked like “quirks” or “bad habits” in me suddenly had a name — ADHD. And that realization changed everything.